Mixed emotions.....

So, I am a few days away from my scheduled c-section and I am having mixed emotions about it. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to meet our newest family member, Abigail. However, Aaron and I are undecided on wether or not we are going to have any more kids after Abigail. The thought that this might be my last pregnancy makes me sad---and happy at the same time.

~ Sad that I may never feel another baby kick or move inside my belly. Sad over not having the excitement of an upcoming arrival of a new family member.  Sad that I may never have another pregnant belly. Sad because I am going to miss having another life growing inside of me. I love being pregnant and I love having children.

~ Happy because our family may be complete. Happy that I won't need to worry about the stress of a pregnancy and all the worries that accompany it. Happy to get my body back in shape and back to normal and lose all the extra pregnancy weight. Happy to get back into a new routine as a family of 5.

I keep thinking "Is this the last time I will get to cuddle a baby of my own?"...etc. Being "done" is the end of an era, in a sense, and for most people there is some grieving that goes along with that. I will likely be feeling some of that as this pregnancy comes to an end, although my grieving will be lessened significantly if we finally realize our family is complete and we can move onto the next stage of our lives---our kids beginning school.

I am very grateful for my girls, and I am trying to stay positive---but part of me wonders what it will be like once we are truly done. I feel like a chapter of my life could be closing if we are for sure "done."

So, with that said I am trying to live in the moment with this pregnancy and to savor every moment because I don't know if it is my last...